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A Loaded Question These Days

I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who is up after 2 am looking for something light to watch on Netflix as I get some work done unintentionally. Sometimes the muse just shows up then. Sometimes it's not a muse at all. It's straight up anxiety. It seems there is more of that going around these days with all the depressing weight that the news has to offer. I saw a post earlier on Facebook asking what happened personally for you in 2020 that was good. What a beautiful reminder to not throw the whole year away. For one thing, this year I'm happy to finally have a piano after wanting one for a long time. I was still able to create and perform art in the virtual universe and in person with a mask on. This year, I made a second attempt at a garden and I actually had time to really take care of it. It was a joy to eat cherry tomatoes, basil, green peppers, cucumbers and kale that I grew myself. What I'm most grateful for is being with someone I love.

Still, I miss hugs. I miss Poetic Vibe being at Troy Kitchen. I miss a ton of people including my parents who I haven't seen in almost a year. I've had to hear from afar about the death of several people I've known all my life. There's a whole list of things. So when people ask 'how are you,' I laugh and say that's a loaded question these days. It doesn't even feel right posing the question to other people. There's like a collective uncertainty of how we are doing (maybe I'm projecting a little) but even in the midst of that I still see people shining, putting on plays, painting murals, dropping albums, dancing their hearts out on Instagram, writing poems that'll make a poet throw away their pens...if there is nothing else we gained from 2020, there was brilliant art released into the world this year. Powerful, resilient, unapologetic, moving art. I've drawn hope, peace and joy from it all while I try to create my own art that could do the same. Yesterday, I received an email thanking me for my poem "For the days ahead" for the hope it has made people feel. Just when I'm starting to feel down, I swear almost every time, a reminder like this comes along of my purpose and I keep pushing. Anyway, I just wanted to share and I don't know who needs to read this but here's the poem:


For the days ahead

I left this poem open

just for us

to climb into when

we've lost our keys,

to let the air in

when we’ve lost our breath

& the light, when we’ve

forgotten the sun,

to serve as a mirror & see

our own reflections

holding each other up.

On days when hope dwindles,

know this window is here

to remind us,

it's not all gone,

that it never went away,

even if we had to press ourselves

against the glass

to find out

the hope

we’re waiting on

is us.

*This poem has appeared literally on the windows of The Arts Center of the Capital Region and is currently featured in the Community Foundation for the Greater Capital Region Annual Report. Thank you both for spreading the hope of my poem to more people.

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